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Some parents let their children sleep with them to encourage bonding, but those against the practice say it is a loss of privacyThe family that sleeps together stays together - that, it seems, is what the Sngs believe.mini storageWhile there are three bedrooms in the family's five-room HDB flat in Whampoa, mum and dad sleep with their three children in one room: One-year-old Joseph sleeps between his parents on their bed, while his brother Julian, seven, and three-year-old sister, Jean, share a bunk bed in the same master bedroom.Part-time lecturer John Sng, 37, and his wife, Joan, welcome this arrangement. Mrs Sng, a housewife, says: "We love that our kids are attached to us and having them sleep in a different room is not in line with that."She adds: "All the children slept on our bed until the next baby came along."Among the many issues that new parents fret over, sleep is likely one of the most challenging: How to get babies to sleep well? Should they share their parents' bed or room? And for how long?There are generally two schools of thought.Dr William Sears, 73, an American paediatrician and author of the 1992 best-selling childcare tome, The Baby Book, advocates bed- or room-sharing. But Irish- born parenting expert Tizzie Hall, 39, who is now based in Melbourne, Australia, is for independent slumber.She was known for her ways of soothing babies from the time she was about nine, leading the mums in her Dublin neighbourhood to nickname her "baby whisperer". Her 2010 bestseller Save Our Sleep teaches parents how to "settle" babies and toddlers so they can sleep through the night, thus affording their parents the same luxury.Both experts will be here for separate seminars at the end of the month (see other story)."Co-sleeping", or room sharing, was made popular by Dr Sears in the early 1990s as part of attachment parenting. The concept promotes practices such as "babywearing" (carrying baby, say, in a sling while doing daily chores) and extended breastfeeding for as long as mother and child are comfortable.In an e-mail interview, he says: "All trusted authorities, including the American Academy of Pediatrics, recommend that a baby sleeps in the parents' room for at least the first year."Babies in such homes thrive, he adds. "Many studies in the past 30 years have proven that the more a baby is held, the longer he is breastfed and the more his cries and cues are sensitively responded to, the healthier, happier and smarter these children turn out."But Ms Hall believes babies can sleep in their own cots if they follow a routine where they are fully fed, warmly clothed and put to bed at the same time each night. She tells SundayLife! via e-mail: "I don't recommend co-sleeping unless parents are really sure it's what they want and understand that they will have to make a painful transition at some stage."Two paediatricians here acknowledge that sharing a bed or room is a common practice, especially if space is tight or mum is still breastfeeding.Dr Kenneth Lyen, who runs a private practice, thinks letting a two- or three-year-old crawl into mummy's bed when he is frightened is acceptable. "But by the time he's in primary school, he will be too restless in bed and will disturb his parents' sleep," he says.There is no "stigma" to an older child who likes to snuggle up with his parents, but most kids are likely to outgrow bed-sharing by four or five years old, adds DrLyen, who has 30 years of experience.Parents say they usually decide based on what suits them and their kids best.Freelance writer Angie Tan and her IT analyst husband Bryan Ma, 39, did not share their bed with their daughter Caitlyn, now three, for safety reasons.Ms Tan, 37, says: "In the early months, we were so tired from being new parents that we were afraid we might roll over or hurt her without being aware of it."So Caitlyn slept in her cot in their room for two months.When she was three months old, Ms Tan moved her to her own room in their River Valley Road apartment as she and her husband had read books and watched videos by DrHarvey Karp.The American paediatrician and child development specialist to stars such as Michelle Pfeiffer and Pierce Brosnan believes that the first three months of an infant's life is the "fourth trimester", thus the baby needs more soothing.After that, the infant can sleep independently in his own space."I don't feel guilty about moving her out. It isn't like we are isolating her," says Ms Tan, who keeps an eye on Caitlyn via the baby monitor's video feed."We've heard stories of kids who don't want to leave their parents' room at self storagehree or four years old. Better let her get used to her own room early."For Mr Terence Anthony and his wife Jacinta Zavier, both civil servants, bed-sharing is about giving their 11-month-old daughter, Claire, a sense of security.She suffered from colic and reflux in the first six months, which made her "clingy", says Mr Anthony, 32.For instance, at three months old, they had to place her in her bouncer in the toilet while mum showered or she would bawl.Claire still cries whenever her mother is out of sight and has to be held when her mother has her meals.But Ms Zavier, 36, says she would still sleep with her child even if she were not clingy. "It's just easier that I'm next to her when she wakes up. She doesn't have to cry and I don't have to go to her. She feels my heartbeat and warmth."The loss of privacy, however, can be an issue.Ms Tan treasures the couple time now that her daughter sleeps in her own room. Bedtime, she says, is a period for sexual intimacy or "just to relax together".Those who room with their kids have ways to engage in romantic moments too.Mrs Sng says with a laugh: "The kids are heavy sleepers."The Sngs believe in waiting for their children to signal when they are ready to sleep solo.Julian, for instance, sometimes asks to "camp outside", where he pitches a tent in the living room or another bedroom.He says: "I like to sleep in the tent and imagine I'm in a forest. Sometimes, I think about sleeping in my own room by myself."At the end of the day, maternal instincts are still what many mothers rely on.Birth doula Marlini Ismail, 33, applies the method that best suits each of her children instead of using a blanket approach.She and her civil servant husband Ridwan Rajin, 34, have three sons - Sufi Ridwan, 10, Khair, eight, and Furqan, four.She used Ms Hall's "gentle settling" tips on Sufi and went with Dr Sears' advice for the two younger boys.Through trial and error over the first five months after Sufi was born, she found that he was "less cranky" in his own cot than on her bed.After she feeds, burps and pats him gently, Sufi would drift off to sleep in his own cot from the time he was six months old.Khair, however, needed more attention. He wanted to latch on whenever he woke up at night, so he and his parents shared a bed for four months. His mother nursed him for two years and he moved out of his parents' room when he was three.Furqan, the youngest, still sleeps in his parents' room, but Ms Marlini placed him in a cot from Day One. "By my third child, I was more confident, read fewer books and just went with my maternal instincts," she says.eveyap@sph.com.sgIs co-sleeping a good or bad idea?E-mail suntimes@sph.com.sgBabycare workshops for parents -- PHOTO: COURTESY OF DR WILLIAM SEARSWho: Dr William Sears, veteran American paediatrician and author of about 30 parenting books including The Baby Book, the classic guide to parenting babies to toddlers. First published in 1992, it has sold more than 1.5 million copies worldwide. He advocates attachment parenting, which involves nursing for as long as mother and child are comfortable and sharing a bed or room to raise well-adjusted kids.Where: Rise & Shine Expo and workshops, Suntec Singapore International Convention & Exhibition Centre, Hall 401When: Attachment Parenting And Handling Gassy And High-need Babies (Sept 29, 1.30 to 3.30pm) and The Successful Child – What Parents Can Do To Help Kids Turn Out Well (Sept 29, 5.30 to 7pm). Expo is from Sept 27 to 29Admission: Workshops cost $20 a person and include a door gift worth $50. Entry to the expo is freeInfo: Register at .riseandshine-expo.com-- PHOTO: COURTESY OF TIZZIE HALLWho: Dubbed "the baby whisperer" by friends for her ability to soothe and settle babies, Tizzie Hall wrote Save Our Sleep (2010), which has sold nearly one million copies worldwide. The Dubliner, who now lives in Melbourne, Australia, advocates routines that give infants the right amount of food, sleep and stimulation so that they sleep well.Where: Picasso Ballroom, Level 3 Pan Pacific Orchard hotel, Claymore Road, and Level 3 amphitheatre, VivoCityWhen: Three talks with topics including cat- napping for children and gentle self-settling on Sept 28, 10am to noon, 5 to 7pm (Pan Pacific Orchard), and Sept 29, 11am to 1pm (VivoCity)Admission: $89.90 a person ($79.90 with discount code "SUNDAYLIFE") for talks at Pan Pacific Orchard, $39.90 a person ($29.90 with discount code "SUNDAYLIFE") for talk at VivoCityInfo: Register at .saveoursleep.asia. Each participant will get a Cold Storage goodie bag worth more than $100迷你倉